


Reality Check

by GentlyMorbid



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dissociation, Gen, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 09:58:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlyMorbid/pseuds/GentlyMorbid
Summary: Barriss' reality shifts. She hates it when reality does that.





	

Barriss knew something was wrong the moment she stepped through the door.

As she looked around what used to be her room, Barriss whispered fearfully, “Oh, shit, not again. _Why now_?!”

It _looked_ like her room. It even _felt_ like her room when she laid her hands on the furniture and prodded her bed and the surrounding walls inquisitively.

However, instinctively, she _knew_ that her room held no physical weight or substance nor any real meaning to her. It merely _existed_ , as if she was present in a simulation or observing a boring movie.

She looked down at her hands to assess whether she was fake as well, to discover, that while her room was a mirage, _she_ was not. She felt real within herself, too.

She backed out of the fake bedroom slowly and closed the door in front of her. The door felt just as insubstantial as the walls of the thinly disguised façade formerly known as her bedroom.

She knew, as she contemplated on the semblance of a door, that there would be nothing behind it until she reopened it.

An old analogy came to mind: Right now, what was masquerading as her room, was just like an old video game non-playable character. Its only purpose was to be interacted with, until which they did not exist, move, or have lives and personalities.

Turning around, she was not surprised to discover that the rest of the house was the same. It felt dreamlike and surreal to Barriss, but it was nothing new to her.

There was a familiar feeling spreading through her mind, nagging her. In her head, it pulsed, like a poisonous darkness encroaching on her.

Barriss knew the darkness wanted to consume her consciousness and that if she let go and went along with this darkness, it would bury her and she would disappear, as if devoid of consciousness.

She refused to let the darkness envelope her mind, so she fought vigilantly to stay within herself, to keep her house from vanishing with the blink of an eye.

She had to, because if she did not, she had no idea what would happen beyond that, and the uncertainty was something that felt like the worst thing in the world.

Nothing much terrified Barriss, but this was at the top of her list.

Despite knowing that she had been through this before, nevertheless, Barriss felt tears run down her face, as she focused harder than ever to keep her surroundings stable.

She had to struggle to make sure everything remained solid, even though she knew, for a fact, that the floor was a sham and might disappear at any moment.

Barriss hardened her resolve. She would not _let_ it. She had no idea what had caused this, but she knew she would be next if she did not concentrate.

The ominous feeling of darkness had spread to her chest and she felt it tighten and squeeze while she mentally and physically suffocated.

Closing her eyes made the feeling worse and she gasped as her eyes snapped back open. While Barriss usually found that closing her eyes made overwhelming stimuli easier to bear, doing so now felt like a death sentence.

She was afraid to leave the house, knowing that she’d find the outside world to be an illusion as well, but she knew she could not stay where she was for too long.

She leaned against the nearest wall and sighed as she calmed her breathing.

She couldn’t do much about the pretence of a wall, but what she _could_ do was make sure her surroundings continued to exist, as imaginary as they were.

As she searched her memory for any reasons that could have caused this, she realised, with a start, that she could not remember much of anything before she had gotten home.

In fact, the more she tried, the more she realised she didn’t even remember _walking_ home!

Frantically, she mentally flipped through what memories she could recall like a book, making sure to keep her eyes open even as she became introspective.

She could remember her mother, Luminara.

She had a girlfriend named Ahsoka and a best friend name Riyo.

What troubled her was that she barely felt a connection to any of those names or the images they conjured, even though she knew who they were.

Barriss felt despondent and hopeless. She slouched against the wall, which felt like it might give way at any moment.

Barriss hoped it wouldn’t. She did not want to fall with it.


End file.
